Meh pasok na bukas!
Huhuhuhu...
I'll be waking up at 4 freaking 30 in the morning again!
*sobs*
I feel soooooooooooo miserable.
As in.
You know, I wouldn't be so sad if it weren't for MATH!
Yes, we're having College Algebra this sem and you know...numbers and I aren't exactly on good terms since like, forever....so...
Math makes me sad.
It really does.
:-(

I feel like a total mess.
Well, there's a lot going on in my head today after I got home at 8 in the morning a while ago. And then I slept 'til noon and that's when I started feeling depressed.
Last night was just a disaster, and it was supposed to be fun.
So I feel frustrated. Howard disappointed me last night so we fought, and made up.It's just that, I don't want our relationship to be a case of "You and me against the world". And then a really close friend of mine did something really...unethical? I just don't know what to do and I can't understand why he has to do that.
And then there's another feeling that's seems to be eating up my insides causing me to feel almost sick. You know that terrible feeling where you feel that you are unloved; that even if something bad happens to you, say, you are murdered on a dark alley and still your so-called friends couldn't care less or give a shit or may not even attend your wake. I don't know why but I'm guessing that this could be possible since my name was left out of a group message. I wonder why it was even sent to me in the first place when my name isn't even in there. So I guess what I'll just do is forget I was even there last night.
Erase, erase. I wasn't in that "REUNION".
And then I feel like a karma victim. You see, yesterday I went to school to get my clearance and enroll and I avoided someone because I am annoyed by her. And yes, I am aware that it was a mean thing to do since it was so obvious that I am avoiding her but I also feel that it's the right thing to do, in a way. Better that than to pretend I still like her. But I have reason to hate her. Hate is a strong feeling, yes. It is also inevitable. In this life, we come across people who are so hateful like a bottle of poison or a group of nasty, skanky bitches. So I really cannot stop not liking her.
I cannot help thinking that my meanness caused the disastrous night.
But whatever.
There's no stopping sucky days and nights from happening.
However, there's this tiny little bit of silver lining in that suckfest of a night. I get to be with Howard and he said sorry and admitted that he was the wrong one for being KJ. And I love him for that. There is nothing I can do about the impressions he had made but whatever. He stated his point for being like that so I listened and understood him. I'm not gonna change my mind about him.






-







Sorry for this muddled, confused post. I was hoping that by writing my feelings down, some of their weight may be lifted from me.
Let's just hope I'm right.

So.
I'm done with all 13 books of the A Series of Unfortunate Events series. Like with Harry Potter, reading the last chapter, the last few words, made me...sad. Reading a book series could do that to you. It's like saying good-bye to someone that has been your constant companion.
When I first saw these books, I thought they were merely children's books, you know, with really predictable endings and a shallow plot. I don't know what made me buy the first six books (in paperback) on a book fair about two years ago. I thought that the series only consists of those six books but I was shocked that it has actually 13! And the remaining seven aren't available in paperback anymore so I told myself that there's no way I could finish and collect all 13. But that was impossible since I got so hooked and each book contains mystery sfter mystery so I couldn't see how I can stop. So yeah, I collected all 13, better that than sleepless nights. OK, exaggeration...
And now I'm finally done and I guess I could say that there's more to the book than meets the eye. Snicket's style is so unique. There are parts wherein I'm snickering and there also parts wherein the words made me just stop and think for a while. I wanted to highlight those words in orange ink that glows. But I didn't of course. It's just that, there's truth to those descriptions of feelings that we encounter everyday during the course of our lives. Lemony Snicket was able to describe them, along with things like fate, miracles, darkness, etc. in a totally different way. And what could be cooler than that, huh?

Here are some quotes taken from the books which either threw me into a fit of giggles, causing my family members to threaten me with a straitjacket or threw me into a "pensive mood", a phrase which here means "closed the book for a while and stared into space, thinking how a remarkable writer Lemony Snicket is for writing those remarkable things." ;-D

"The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is 'Never break into someone else's house." The moral of "Snow White" is "Never eat apples." The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand."

-from Book the Fourth: The Miserable Mill

"Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make--bombs for instance, or strawberry shortcake--if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble."

-from Book the Fifth: The Austere Academy

"Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from or how often they should appear."

-from Book the Ninth: The Carnivorous Carnival

"But the sad truth is that the truth is sad, and what you want does not matter. A series of unfortunate events can happen to anyone, no matter what they want."

-from Book the Ninth: The Carnivorous Carnival

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

-from Book the Tenth: The Slippey Slope

"These are dark days, as dark as a crow flying through a pitch black night."

-from Book the Twelfth: The Penultimate Peril

"The world is a wicked place."

-from Book the Thirteenth: The End

"Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else."

-from Book the Thirteenth: The End

"Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the crimes, follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women."

-from Book the Thirteenth: The End

I enjoyed Stardust.
Although of course, there are differences between the movie and the book.
I'm too lazy to write today and I just wanted to update and I know I'm not good in writing reviews so I'm gonna stop right there.

And oh, did you know that Michelle Pfeiffer is already 49 YEARS OLD!?
Yes, she is and she still looks like this:



I think she may have gotten Yvaine's heart, after all.

Britney reminds me of my childhood, when Westlife is my Panic! at the Disco and Caroline Keene (Nancy Drew) is my Neil Gaiman.
Everybody changes. That's Britney now. She can't be that sweet-faced schoolgirl again. Ika nga ni Francis Bacon, "That which is past is gone and irrevocable." Kumbaga, nagawa na niya lahat un eh. She has been the cute top-selling popstar and now she's a trainwreck, yet still highly paid.
She's only a shadow of her former self. BUT, it doesn't mean that she couldn't be the great peformer she once was. If she could only fix her life and herself and rehearse well she could get another chance and give her fans the comeback they're looking for. But again, we can't expect her to be like her "Baby One More Time", "Sometimes" and "Born To Make You Happy" self again. We have to accept a new, different Britney.

...sans the stripper poles and ugly wigs, I hope.

(see...I told you I'm addicted to celebrity gossip blogs)

Well, well, well. What do you know?
It's the last day of September already and evrything's still effed up.
Well, not everything. There are some good things that happened between 9/03 (which was the day of my last update) and today. But I still haven't got my wish.
I think the gods are conspiring against me.
What am I talking about?
Nothing. I'm on meth.
JOKING, of course.

Well, I just decided to post to tell you guys that inspiration comes when you least expect it. I have written two poems again, not that they're good but I'm just telling. I guess I'm back on the poem-writing thing. Nothing, just so you know...as if you care. But I hope you do.
*wink*

Well I was just lying down, tired after making sulong2 in the pollution of Manila, when a sudden wave of inspiration struck me! So I wrote a short story...and actually finished it! Yay!

Thanks to this guy...



Yeehee!
Nagppractice xa ng drums, obvious naman di ba...wah! puro side-view nga lang...
Mwah! Inspiratiooooooooon....
Pagbigyan nyo na ko, minsan lang ako mag-ganto ganto noh...

Last week I heard this news that a male student from CSB offed himself by jumping from a building. Weeks before this, another CSB student, a Korean girl, killed herself also by jumping from a building.
I learned on Tuesday that the guy who committed suicide is someone that I know. But we're not close. I'm not even sure if he knows me. But you know, when you hear of someone dying, it might not have an effect on you if you don't know the person. But if you do know the person, even if you're not of kin or you don't share some close-ness or a special bond or whatever, in a way you get affected. I don't know with others but it certainly does so for me. Last last summer our next-door neighbor passed away and I was affected but I didn't feel bereaved. It's just something I can't explain. When I heard the news, I felt sad in a way.
So I thought about suicide, but not doing it of course!
SUICIDE.
According to Wikipedia, Views on suicide have been influenced by cultural views on existential themes such as religion, honor, and the meaning of life. Most Western and Asian religions—the Abrahamic religions, Buddhism, Hinduism—consider suicide a dishonorable act; in the West it was regarded as a serious crime and offense against God due to religious belief in the sanctity of life.
They say that when your life ended through suicide, you will go straight to hell. No judgement, no anything.
Of course we all know the usual reasons for suicide: depression, stress, mental disorders etc.
This dude, Emile Durkheim developed a theory about it. According to him, The rapid change in society due to increasing division of labor thus produces a state of confusion with regard to norms and increasing impersonality in social life, leading eventually to relative normlessness, i.e. the breakdown of social norms regulating behavior; Durkheim labels this state anomie. From a state of anomie come all forms of deviant behavior, most notably suicide.
So it must be that those suicidal people were deeply affected with the continuous changes in society that they lost their values, suffered from some kind of "social disorder" and it eventually led to suicide. That is my understanding of the theory.

But...anywaaaaaaaaaaaaay....
I'm gonna stop referring to the things (and the people) I learned in my Sociology class. People might start thinking I'm smart (well I'm not).
For me, we each have our own views. We see life in different perspectives. That's why we have pessimists and optimists.
For instance, me and my family are in deep shit right now. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But we're having a major problem right now. And I'm constantly under pressure and stress because of studying. Things are changing fast around me that I'm constantly struggling to keep up. There are times when I feel lonely and hopeless, but I didn't think of slitting my wrists or overdosing on pills. And it's most likely that their problems are nothing compared to my situation right now.
But they chose to end it all.
Maybe suicidal people are pessimists, only worst. Maybe, for them, Life is a struggle and its end is dark, as suggested in the lyrics of the Anglo-Saxon in their lais.
Maybe for them, life is not a challenge, and surrendering is the best thing to do. Yes, you can say that they're weak. But it's the way they view life.
But we can't blame them. They're under pressure. Their misery is stronger than their determination to stay alive and keep on fighting.
It might seem that I understand suicidal people. But all of those are just what I think. I mean, I'm not an academic, it's just my understanding of them.

But I was just thinking (since I still have a Dead Poets Society hang-over),
what if those people who committed suicide stood on desks and tried to see the world in a different way and their problems on a different light, would they have gone on a little bit longer...or would they haven't gone on at all?

When my dad told me that I couldn't enroll in DLSU, I really took it the hard way. As in, inayakan ko talaga siya 'cause I wanted to study European Studies. But when I know I had no other choice left but to accept that I am going to be a Thomasian, I thought about shifting...to Biology (it's entirely the fault of Dr. House, he inspired me and I thought I wanted to be a doctor then). Literature was my first choice. But at the time when I wrote it down on the application form, I was thinking about what interests me the most. And that's it. Literature. Books, English, writing. And since there's no Creative Writing, I chose Literature.
So why did I think of shifting?
Because during that time, I was thinking of the future. Biology is a BS course, and we all know that BS courses spell B-I-G B-U-C-K-S. While European Studies can land me a job in an embassy, it can take me to countries in Europe and to other wonderful jobs if I study hard, and that's why I was so disappointed then.
I was thinking about the money.
And why shouldn't I? I'm the eldest and I know that there will come a time when my parents are gonna rely on me to shoulder the family expenses because they're gonna be too old to work.
So going back to Literature, I am well aware of those things that people say, Na wala akong mapapala sa Lit., Mahirap maghanap ng trabaho, etc. etc. blah blah yadda yadda.
Personally, I believe that Literature is out-of-place in this country. Few take up Lit. because this is a third world country, it's all about surviving. People have to work hard and persevere in order to do so. So they take up Nursing, Engineering...careers that could take them abroad, careers that could enable them to make millions.
Whereas, Literature cannot.
That's what people think.
Ok, so I've written quite a lot already so I'm gonna go straight to my point now.
We watched The Dead Poets Society during our Lit. 201 class a while ago. And it is so good that I thought to myself, Why haven't I watched it before? How could I have NOT thought of watching it? It was so brilliant.
So after the movie, it's official: I love my course. I mean, this is where I belong. I don't want to take up Biology and be an endocrinologist (like House) just for the sake of making lots of money. Sure, I have plenty of money, but if I'm not happy in what I'm doing, then never mind. There's also a good chance that I won't be able to finish the course if that is the case.
Our Lit. 101 professor, Ralph Semino Galan, who first took up Chemical Engineering (but then of course he didn't like it) before finally shifting to Literature, said on our first meeting that he'd "rather be a poor, literary person than a rich, mediocre engineer".
From now on, I'm not gonna mind the things that people say. For me, I can find a job and make lots of money as a degree-holder in Literature if I put my heart into it and if it's what I want. Besides, I don't think I would want to look at the world with a scientist's eye, observing the scientific things conatined in it and giving scientific explanations of why and how things work. Rather, I'd like to view it as it is: with all its beauty or lack thereof. In Dead Poets Society, the character of Robin Williams, John Keating said, "...Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."
Exactly.
Scientists devote their lives in explaining, studying and figuring things out . Writers/poets, on the other hand, observe and appreciate, and then put them into words.

Nice. Her voice made the song sound like it's a cleverly-written one.

By the way, did you know that in the gay lingo, instead of saying ulan, you say JULANIS MORISSETTE.
Yeah.

Prelims was cancelled today because it's raining.....heat and sunshine outside. And we've only got one test left. Pfft.