I stayed up 'til 1 in the morning a while ago, reading my old posts in my archives.
I could say that A LOT has changed. Those were the happy times, I guess. Sure, some of my posts back then also has the same life-is-against-me-will-anything-good-happen-to-me drama that you can also find in my recent posts. But I know that I was HAPPY then.
You know, carefree. Not a care for the world.
I had problems then. But they were all about school; how I can't understand a thing in Math, how to deal with a Physics teacher who's out to get me, how I can manage to do the pile of projects that my teachers are giving us, those kinds of things.
I was 16 then, and 15.
Happy times.
Everything's changed now.
Now, I truly understand that nothing in this world is permanent. Things and people come, and they also go.
Back in those days, my family and I would always go malling every weekend, we'd just shop and watch movies and eat on fine dining restaurants.
I was so maluho then. As in. I'd just ask Dad for something, a book, an original CD, new clothes, a new pair of havs, a new watch, an Ipod, and I'd get it.
It's really hard now that everything's changed. Well, let's just say that we can't afford to be maluho anymore.
Last night, it pained me to see how I lived what I like to call "my old life". I'd do anything to live that way again. I can get away with anything, being so young and worry-free.
I know that I'm turning 18 soon and that I'll have to be grown-up. But, I'm still 17 now and in this situation we're in, my parents need me to be grown-up. I decided to just look stoic in front of my mom and my brother and my other relatives, but, whenever I'm alone with just my thoughts, I can't help but worry and think and miss the old times.
And I'm not yet prepared to grow up. In fact, it scares me. People will expect you to do everything on your own-and to do them right. Whereas if you're young and under 18, they'd forgive you, seeing that you're only A KID.
I guess I should just avoid looking at those archives.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. No point dwelling in the past, gotta keep moving forward.
It just never occured to me that looking back at those posts would make me feel this way.
Nevertheless, I'm NOT gonna remove my archives.
If everything turned out fine, I'd be able to look back at this post and hope that me and my family will never be caught in a situation like this ever again.