"Things We Never Had"
So many days had passed since I met you
I was filled with brand new hope
But then the feeling suddenly subsided
And now I'm filled with something no one
Could ever put into words
I can't believe you've come and gone so quickly
It's too late to say what's in my heart
It's too late guess you and her could never be apart
Guess I have no choice but
To say goodbye to the things we never had
I know I should feel down but somehow I am glad
That I met you, but I know you're just not the one for me
I can call myself stupid for believing
That someone like you and someone like me
Could end up together forever
So I waited for nothing
Pathetic, I know
But
I love you and it isn't easy
Now I have no choice but so I'll
Say goodbye, bid farewell to happy days
Take a sharp turn to another way
Goodbye, goodnight I will surely miss you
But I do
love you and there's nothing I could do
But to be glad that I met you even though you're not the one for me
Written: October 9, 2004
---Another mediocre poem of mine. Now I'm not afraid to admit that
Monjie is Skittles and that he inspired me to write this.
Anyway, lines from songs that I currently can relate to:
"Don't it always seem to go
That
you don't know what you got 'til it's gone..."
-Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows
"So I'll cry a little bit longer
And I'll stay two seconds more
And I'll
try to be strongerAnd I'll see if you catch my fall..."
-Catch My Fall by Katy Rose
"If you could only know me
Like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be all right..."
-The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale
"You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall
Head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you
FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE..."
-Head Over Feet by Alanis Morisette(I wish I could find a way to tell him)
"I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking, I miss you even more
And I can't
fake it, the way I could before
I hate you but I love youI can't stop thinking of you..."
-Stuck by Stacie Orrico
"Now the stars aren't out tonight
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?These memories can't replace
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right..."
-Promise by Matchbook Romance
"I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes
I'm tired of this smile even I don't recognize
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
And it's not the good kind..."
-The Good Kind by The Wreckers
---These are all for
"YOU". You know who you are...
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 10:14 AM
Now this is what I call "A nice weekend"
SaturdayLast Monday, I recieved a text message from KNN. They are welcoming me to the Manila Bureau. Cheers for me!!! Now I know that things happen when you least expect it. Ate Tin told us that they will inform us if we got in within one week. A week had already passed since the screening so I didn't expect that I was
actually accepted. So I attended the first day of training yesterday. We were trained in handling the camera, we were introduced to our new "friend" the tripod, we were taught about the different camera angles and movements. Then we were divided into groups and we got to shoot outside. I got to do a stand-upper. But of course, I wasn't very good...yet. And guess what, our lunch is free and we were given cash depending on how much our transportation costs. So it's like having a
suweldo 'cause the 200 php given to me is already in my piggy bank. Then we watched Batman Begins and, for the first time, the Dark Knight has failed to entertain me. The movie is simply
crap.
So, that is my KNN training Day 1 and I can't wait to go back next week 'cause it's going to be script writing next week! Yay!
Sunday(today)
Haven't done my homework in Filipino yet. I can't understand the point in studying Filipino when we are Filipino. Arrgh!
We went to SM Megamall Cinema 7 to watch GMA 7's "Sine Totoo", a collection of the best doucumentaries and programs from GMA News and Public Affairs. And you know what I promised myself today? That I'm not gonna complain about my skinny arms because there's children all over the country who are literally just
buto't balat. I'm not gonna complain that I'm short because I saw a boy aged 14 years old whose weight is that of a 2-year-old boy and can easily be mistaken as a 6-year-old 'cause of his height. From now on I'm gonna eat whatever our maid or my dad prepare for me. Except dinuguan, paksiw, adobong pusit or whatever pusit and anything that I don't, and am not planning to eat. Ahihi. Anyway, I saw a kid who wasn't given the chance to drink any kind of milk when he was an infant and was then given coffee. And there are people who doesn't get enough nutrients needed by their body from the food they eat. And because of that, the children, if not malnourished, has pneumonia or TB.
It really is sad to think that while thousands of people spend their money drinking expensive coffee in Starbucks, covering their faces with expensive cosmetics and having expensive surgeries done on their body to make it perfect, millions of other people in our country lives in empty container vans, has no permanent houses and looks for food in garbages.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 12:30 PM
March
I was born on March 20, 1990 so this is me:
Has an attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Sensitive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Aggressive when provoked.
Sensitive to others. Loves to help others. Not easily angered. Trustworthy.
Defends others.
Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Has varied
interests.
Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Has strong belief
system.
Hasty in trusting others. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Depends on
friends.
Loves special things. Moody and easily hurt. A giving lover. Very loyal.
Deep Thinker.
Feels deeply. A romantic. Loves to be loved. Thrifty. Loves down time alone.
...These are all
correct! as Kris Aquino loves to say in an irritating way.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 10:05 AM
Labo.
I remember watching an episode from
All About Eve. Nicole told herself that everything is all right. But she started crying and scolding herself.
"Ang tanga tanga mo kasi, Nicole. Ang tanga tanga mo..." I forgot why she cried but I think it's because Kenneth started ignoring her because she decided that their friendship is not a good thing. But...I'm not sure.
This is what I'm telling myself right now.
"Ang tanga tanga mo kasi, Lea."But of course, I'm not crying.
I don't know but I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. But I can't help it. I don't understand why suddenly I'm always seeing his face in my mind. Like it was there all this time. But it's not. Why suddenly I always want to see him...?... And I hate myself 'cause I'm feeling this way. Why do I always fall for someone so easily? I hate myself. I hate him. I wish I don't have a heart.
But I don't even know why everything was suddenly like this. Was it me or is he really just a jerk?
*Screams in anguish*
My God, it's like I'm missing him!!!!!!! But I don't like him, I
know I don't like him. Part of me wanted to get rid of him when, well, we're still in speaking terms. A small part of me, that is. But... I know he's not my kinda guy! So whyohwhyohwhyohwhy?
I wish I could erase him from my mind. Like in
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So that when I see him, I could just look at him straight in the eye, totally clueless of who the hell he is.
Sana hindi ko na lang siya nakilala...Ang tanga tanga mo kasi, Lea...
T_T
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 9:45 AM
You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.
Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 11:20 AM
The Good Kind
-The Wreckers-
'Do you wanna run away together?'
I would say it was your best line ever
Too bad I fell for it...
And I walked along,
Waiting for you to come along
Take my tortured heart by the hand
And write me off
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind...
You forced me to become strong
And I just cried, being weak
And you think you know
And I would like to think so,
But do you know that when you go,
I fall apart
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind.
No, it's not the good kind...
I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes,
I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind...
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind...
No, you're not the good kind
Good kind
No, you're not the good kind
Good kind
No, you're not the good kind
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 10:10 PM
In a state of confuciosity(yup, from Georgia Nicolson)
I hate homework! Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I saw the video of
The Day You Said Goodnight two times today. And heard it a while ago on Campus Radio. I think I already memorize it. Btw, like I said I'm in a state of confusion right now. I need to make a life-changing decision. Kidding. I
know I shouldn't be thinking of him. But...
Anyway, Andy told me something about Yael Yuzon a while ago. It made me glad everything between us is over(as if there
was something between us). I wonder if it's true? Well, true or not, I'm dating Paga now(in my dreams). So, bye, bye, Yael!
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 10:50 AM
KNN screening
Just returned from QC. KNN e-mailed me back last Thursday and told me to go to the screening which was held a while ago. My mom and my
ninang accompanied me. Surprisingly, I didn't feel
that nervous. I didn't feel like I'm being led to my death or something. We were given sheets of paper and there were questions there about ourselves; our name, age, address, etc. Then there were questions like 'If ever you were chosen to be a KNN reporter, what story would you choose to report and why?'. Then they made us introduce ourselves on cam. I kind of forgot what I will say on that part, and I failed to say I'm into books and that kind of thing so... that sucked. Anyway, Tin and Astrid(yes, the name from
White Oleander, the name actually exists) asked us questions and thank God shyness didn't overcome me that time. I was able to speak and express my opinion. It was fun, really. I wish they will choose me, you know. I want to go to other places, interview people and represent the voice of the youth. Naks! Is this me?
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 9:30 AM
Ayus!
YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko! Knight
na ko!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 8:24 AM
What's the point?
Too depressed to write what happened today. I really am going to kill our principal. She's not fit for a nun. She's one of Satan's disciple.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 10:10 AM
Whyohwhyohwhy...
This is ridiculous! Des, Kat, Miguel, Andrea and Tetang are all classmates! And I was left out! Can you believe it? And so is Jam, but unfortunately, we're not classmates. Could life get any worse? I don't want to go to school tomorrow... actually, I don't want to go to school anymore...
ever. All my friends are placed in Our Lady of Guadalupe while I'm placed in Our Lady of Lourdes. I feel like crying and killing something at the same time. Maybe the person who decided who're gonna be on the sections. I don't care how many they are, I'll kill them all! I mean, how can this happen, right?
*Screams out loud*
Anyway, maybe I'll just think of Paga whenever I feel lonely in class. I always think of him, anyway. Honestly he's the only good thing in my dull,
unfab life. Just the thought of him and I get all giggly and
kilig. Like I do when I was crushing on Carlo(sunny side up), Skittles(I can't...), Adonis...back then. Except Paga doesn't go to my school and I haven't even seen him in person.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 8:33 PM
Poetic Tragedy
-The Used-
The cup is not half empty as pessimists say
As far as he's sees, nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
Is just a tragedy
So he voyages in circles
Succeeds getting nowhere
And submits to the substance
That first got him there
Then in violent, frustration, he cries out to God or just no one
Is there a point to this madness and all that he was....
Is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He's alone
He feels alone
I feel....
Then on that last day he breaks
And he stood tall
And he yelled... and he takes his life
---I caught a movie last night on HBO. It's called
Grind. Adam Brody is there so I had to watch it! This song played in one of the scenes, just before the ending. I haven't been playing their CD lately, so it got stuck in my head just before I fell asleep last night. And is still playing in my head when I woke up.
Ho hum, anyway, school starts Wednesday. And I still don't know my section 'cause they're posting it tomorrow
pa. Ano ba naman yun?By the way, it's very nippy noodles here *I reread all three of my Confessions of Georgia Nicolson books, that's why I wrote this term*. Well... all because it rained non-stop today *well, almost*. I so hate going to school while raining. It'll surely ruin my new shoes. I guess I'll wear my old ones 'til the rainy days are over, then.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 1:51 PM
Your Deadly Sins
|
Sloth: 60%
|
Envy: 20%
|
Pride: 20%
|
Gluttony: 0%
|
Greed: 0%
|
Lust: 0%
|
Wrath: 0%
|
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%
|
|
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 4:50 AM
Geometry. Statistics. Chemistry. I think I could die now.
I scanned my new textbooks yesterday. And as usual the contents of the Math textbook gave me the nerves, as it always does. We are going to study Geometry this year, but who knows, maybe I might even enjoy it.
Maybe. Majority of the grown-ups I've talked to said they enjoyed Geometry in their youth. I am in doubt, though. I never enjoy any topic that deals with numbers. Except when I was in grade 6, my Math teacher is excellent. But now, there's Statistics and Accounting... and Chemistry...which I have been told is a complex one. I admit I'm bonkers when it comes to Math; I didn't inherit dad's skill.
I wish I could talk to the blokes who invented Algebra and others. I mean maybe visit their graves and shout "What in the name of King Arthur's boxers is the POINT?!?" It's not like
everybody can use them in the real world! I mean I, for instance, won't need it when I'm in Hollywood...or announcing world crises in CNN...or when I'm in tour with The Smashing Pumpkins, perhaps? It's not like everybody wants to be doctors or engineers, right? So why don't they just let the students pick what subjects they would like to study. So that the Math teachers will not have any problems with clueless students. The ones they'll be teaching are students who actually likes the subject and who can be smart enough for the friggin' subject. Then they can all live happily ever after.
If that happens, I'll choose
ENGLISH, Social Studies, Science perhaps (but maybe without me solving problems), French, Mandarin, Spanish, Korean...anyway, I can only complain and complain and hope, but nothing will ever happen. That is the sadness of life. I know I can never escape from numbers. They won't let me, they'll just surround me and look at me with evil eyes and give me headaches. UGH.
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 1:20 PM
Unfinished. Untitled.
They come, they sneak in during the night
Quickly like a flash of light
Unseen, phantoms in the dark
Quietly, they leave a mark
...Um, do you guys know who or what I am referring to here? No? Me neither. All I know is that Paga of Mayonnaise is
soooooooo cute!!! I love smiling-faced guys.
Anyway, maybe I'll finish the poem when I'm in the mood...
they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now @ : 8:00 AM
